If Only I Could See.

September 29, 2013 § 2 Comments

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In an earlier post, I referenced someone from my past contacting me and this communication left me feeling conflicted, at best.  A kind reader here made the comment that “could be love, but that’s just an assumption”.  I didn’t have a comment then, but I will admit now, the assumption is correct.  The person that reached out to me is someone I loved very, very much a few years back.

I think I will always love him.  And it’s difficult for me to say that, because I put in so much effort to be “over” him, but have failed in that regard.  I know that now to be true…..even if I didn’t want to admit it to myself previously.  There is a part of me that evaporated when we split …..that part does not allow me to fully be open to love again.  The part that still aches for the bond that we shared….even through the arguing, misunderstandings, and heartache.

The communication continues.  I don’t know what will happen.  My mind says no, my heart says yes.  What is the point of even speaking?  I’ve asked myself this a million times in the last few days.  Compounding the communication in general is the fact that this man is working on the other side of the planet – literally – so all that is being expressed is done through email.  This might not be such a bad thing, after all, as it gives me a chance to think about what I’m saying.  Heaven knows, I don’t have much of a filter when speaking and if we were sitting across from each other, there’s no telling what words would fly out of my mouth.

So, I am not sure what to do.  If only I could see into the future, but I don’t have a crystal ball.  Something tells me his words are sincere.  There is no reason for him to be reaching out, otherwise.

I tread lightly.

We will see what happens….

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§ 2 Responses to If Only I Could See.

  • Lovely portrait. Maybe the point of opening up communication again is to finally have closure of what was not meant to be. Or possibly to restart what was not meant to end. In any case I hope you find happiness either with him or maybe with someone that you have yet to meet.

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